Taking a mid-day break to catch up on some well deserved and hilarious dog humor is usually the best thing for getting our day back on track. For those unable to spend their workdays with their dogs, reading up on canine quotes is about as close of a second as you can get. These might just make you miss your dog a bit, realize how wonderfully aloof and adorable they really are, and encourage you to hug them just a bit longer before going to bed tonight.
So in keeping it light and fun, as your dog surely would approve of – read on for some funny quotes about dogs, their goofy mannerisms, and stereotypical, yet hilarious behaviors.
Funny Dog Therapy Quotes
Looking for someone to intently listen to your problems, nodding along, seldomly speaking without smacking you with a ridiculous bill at the end of your session? Read on if you still need convincing a dog is the only therapist you need.
The best therapist has fur and four legs.Anonymous
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. Bernard Williams
I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.Bonnie Schacter
The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.Anonymous
Whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend, never owned a dog. Anonymous
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.Andy Rooney
In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.Derek Bruce
The only person who understands me is my dog.Anonymous
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.Ann Landers
A boy can learn a lot from a dog — obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.Robert Benchley
If our dog doesn’t like you, we probably won’t either.Anonymous
When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.Nora Ephron
Ironic Dog Quotes
Strange and curious creatures dog are. Many of the things they do are simply ironic and are the cause of some serious belly laughs.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.Steve Bluestone
My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!Greg Curtis
I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.John Steinbeck
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.Anonymous
Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.Anonymous
A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.Anonymous
Funny Dog Grooming Quotes
Keeping our homes and vehicles free of a dog hair is practically impossible. Finding a fur inspired joke is much more likely.
Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.Franklin P. Jones
No home decor is complete without dog hair.Anonymous
Beware! Dog can’t hold its licker.Anonymous
Dogs hate when the groomer uses the blow dryer, but insists on sticking its head out the window while you drive. Anonymous
Funny Dog Quotes About Your Dogs Intelligence
We’re not here to call anyone out, but we’ve noticed the questionable things our dogs have done and wonder – are our pups as smart as we give them credit for? Or have we underestimated their intelligence?
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!Anne Tyler
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.Christopher Morley
If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.Phil Pastoret
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.Sue Murphy
Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mailman is not to be trusted.Sian Ford
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.Rita Rudner
Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.Jodi Picoult
Funny Dog Quotes About Food & Your Dogs Appetite
It’s no secret that all doggos are fans of food. Begging for table scraps to rummaging for crumbs, you best be sure that if it smells like something they can eat, they’ll find a way to do so.
A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.Charlotte Gray
If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.Anonymous
I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.Anonymous
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take…I’ll be watching you.Anonymous
You can trust a dog to guard your house, but you can never trust a dog to guard your sandwich.Anonymous
Other Cute & Funny Dog Quotes
No matter your feeling at the end of the day – your dog will always be there to make your good days better, or your dark days bright. They are the definition of cute and funny – just as these next quotes.
Without my dog my wallet would be full my house would be clean but my heart would be empty.Anonymous
In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.Edward Hoagland
It’s OK if you don’t like my dog, not everyone has good taste.Anonymous
The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic.Henry Ward Beecher
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.Fran Lebowitz
I don’t who care who dies in the movie, as long as the dog lives.Anonymous
The factory of the future will have two employees a man and a dog. The man’s job will be to feed the dog. The dog’s job will be to prevent the man from touching any of the automated equipment.Warren Bennis
If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.Anonymous
Sometimes I am too picky and then I watch my dog trying to find a good place to poop. Anonymous
Funny Dog Quotes That Should be Mantras
We can’t stress these last two enough. Dogs are unconditional love givers, team players willing to eat your broccoli in secret when you’re trying to clear your plate, ideal listeners of your problems, who can offer no solution other than their unwavering friendship and provide a constant flow of pawsitive vibes and happiness. These next two are not only quotes, they are mantras!
I can’t bring my dog, I’m not going.Anonymous
Life Goal: Pet all dogs. Anonymous
We hope that you got a kick out of these Funny Dog quotes. Surely, if you are a dog owner, you can relate to more than one on this list and may even feel they are direct reflections of the relationship you have with your dog.
If you found this to be amusing, here are a few other related reads you might enjoy:
Emily started this blog out of pure passion. She LOVES her 3 dogs; Chew Barka, Cooper & Nelson, and spends countless hours every day playing with them.
When she’s not nerding out on dogs, you’ll find her on a snowboard or in the kitchen baking chocolate brownies.
She’s been featured in PetAware, Dogtime, and ModernDog.